A lot of people have been coming up to me saying how beautiful Jewyl is and how I should put her in some kind of pageant, commercial or photo contest. I've been kind of floored. Even people in the grocery store or while I'm shopping approach me about it- perfect strangers! I don't say this to brag, I say it b/c it's created a whirl of thought for me on how I feel about "commercializing" my little girl.

She is such a ray of sunshine everywhere she goes. Her smile is infectious and her giggle contagious. She goes around the house (she's walking now) holding full conversations with anyone who will listen in baby gibberish. Reads her little books to me in the same adorable way. She is absolutely ADORABLE. But I also know I'm her mom and completely, 100% partial.  

Do I want to publicize and open up my sweet, innocent, beautiful baby to the dark realities of the world yet? Sure, it's only a picture, it's only a pageant but what about the heart of it all?

I've been reading one of my fav old time books called "Old Fashioned Girl" by Louisa May Alcott. LOVE this book. It's one I've read over and over again as I've grown up. It has so many great points about being a wholesome girl turning into a lady in a world thats going ga ga over the best and brightest fashions and movements that are plastic and hollow- they have no depth and their morals are slowly fading from callousness. I love the character it teaches, the innocence it holds the main character too as she sees the harsh realities of life. I gotta' admit, in reading it again it's reminded and convicted me of a thing or two myself.

I want to raise my daughter to see herself as more than a "pretty face". I want her to have self confidence in who she is physically but know that the state of her heart and what's between her ears is also a part of her beauty. I want her to know depth of feeling for others. To learn the beauties of being a gracious, kind, warm woman that has intelligence and wisdom. I want her to know the balance God desires for us as a lady in this world that is so caught up in superficiallity (is that a word? It is now. ;)

My sister-in-law just graduated from high school. She is a physically and internally a lovely person. She had dreamed of being in our local 4-H Fair Pageant and my in-laws let her through her teen yrs. It never ruined her and in fact, it was cool b/c she would make her own dresses, outfits, etc. with my mother-in-law for the pageant. It was a bonding experience for them. So I see that these things aren't all bad and can be a girly dream. I'm watching her blossom into a really lovely woman as a whole.

So I guess the question isn't whether to put Jewyl into these shows that display her beauty but show her the beauty that lies within who she is. To draw out the loveliness of who God has made her inside and out. To raise her with character from the heart in a world gone plastic and hollow. I treasure this little bundle of love and I would be lieing if I didn't say my protective momma heart isn't a little overwhelmed somedays at the thought.

Here's an excerpt of a letter I'm writing to a friend it will give you a peak into my world....

You know the other day when I sent you the scripture?  But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31 I realize now that I was speaking something to you that I needed.

I was doing dishes tonight, feeling weary and drained. Saying I need something God. I'm just not sure what. My life has been insane. I've been trying to adapt to being a wife to my overworked husband so that I can be a stay at home mom for our 6 month old baby. A daughter to a grieving mother. A sister to my siblings who all have had quite the battles of their own. A church attendee to a congregation that is trying to grow out of a rut of dead tradition and I find myself getting battered as I reach out to serve. And there's so much more...but as these past few weeks of being physically ill myself on two different occasions- to the point where I could barely lift my baby out of her crib- and then last nights emergency run to the ER for Jewyl due to the Croup getting out of control. I just hit a real crappy point to be honest. And you can see why I was saying that I needed something from God.

And then He reminded me of that scripture up there and I realize now that I was speaking something to you that I needed. I started to listen to this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QnkIeCkoUE and I found myself saying help me fly. Fly above all these situations. Help me rest amidst it all. Help me receive your peace- I know it's there. Help me to wait on you like Mary at the feet of Jesus. Help me to choose "the greater thing" and that's You. I'm giving all I've got loving, Lord. And as I stopped saying what I needed. I found the peace of God meeting me where I'm at and I now sit with my wings spread out, I wait. I have a promise- my strength will be renewed. This will not crush me. And I feel hope...

Fear is a “what If” game and if you give in it will snow ball into more and more fear. I can’t live in fear of what’s around the corner. What if my daughter is mentally disabled? Am I strong enough to handle that? What if my husband were to die on us? Am I strong enough to handle that? I FEEL SO WEAK. But greater is He that is within me than He that is in the world. He won’t give me more than I can handle. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me if I do find myself not strong enough. God is enough. I am in Him and He is in me.