I’m learning that God’s plan B stands for beautiful. That even though man may have gotten in the way, and all the plans changed. God’s plan B is so much more than the promise of A. Yes, I got hurt and for a while there I was lost from all the changes. But God’s faithfulness and love have prevailed over my loss of knowing how or what to do. I have felt like I was unfaithful to God at points but I haven’t been- just lost in this turn of events. Angry at the men who foiled God’s plan. Hurt by their lack of love for Him and me. I’ve fought bitterness but I know it’s crept in and I’ve hated it’s residency but have been unsure how to let go and thought that when it does leave, how do I make sure I don’t get hurt again?
Plan B has been more beautiful than I ever thought possible in A. But I’ve still been stumbling a bit over the pain from the people of A.
At the same time trying to find His plan for B. But B is different. I don’t know all the futuristic steps as I did before. B is more spontaneous. It’s requiring faith in God as I step into the unknown on a daily basis. The other was learning faith in knowing the future. I’m now learning the plan as I go.
I’m learning to trust God. I’m learning to trust me. I really like me. And in this plan B I’ve never felt so loved as I do now. So happy at the core of me, amidst the daily struggle.
I’ve been scared to sing again cause’ I don’t want to get hurt. Singing means shining. Singing means opening up to love again. When I sing, I show all my cards. I can’t hide when I sing.
The people asking me to entrust my talent to them don’t have a good track record. Why in the world should I trust them? I will only get hurt again. But God says, I should sing for Him, not them. And yes, I may get hurt. I will get hurt. Hurt humans hurt others. But I’m not singing for them anymore. I’m not singing to prove anything to myself anymore. I’m singing for Him. I sing because of this love He’s shown me. I sing because they need to see who He is. I want them to have a chance to feel Him like I have. I want to usher in the One I love and let them know Him too. If they attack me in this process I can know WHO I am doing this for. I can have the confidence in my voice- I KNOW I can sing. Let’s worship.
I should take a chance on people. Love them despite their humanness. After all, hasn’t God loved and taken a chance on me, despite my humanness? I’m not counting on them to make it right where others have wronged me. God makes things right. Humans will and can fail. But God prevails. Even despite our shortcomings. He is victorious. His love will and does conquer in my life. My life is proof. How beautiful…
If they don’t get my fire, that’s ok. If they aren’t my kinda’people- that’s ok. I gotta’ burn for Him. It’s in my bones. I gotta’ be me. And I have to live and love. I can burn so others can see what they can have too. I’ve been challenged by others (and still am) to burn.
Let plan B rip. It’s time to start stepping out. I walked into plan B quite wildly. DUDE. I eloped into plan B-to a man 10 yrs younger! I faced the loss of my father in this. I’ve had a baby and bought a home in this. Plan B is a lot more radical than I expected to live but how exciting has this been?! How incredibly freeing.
And I feel the love and strength to forgive. To try again. To shine. To let go of the pain. The bitterness. To love….
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